


Don't Think of Goodbyes

by blue_wind_gets_so_sad



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Some Swearing, Very Very Angsty, based off of the goodbye song by joe iconis, death mention, jimmy's late boyfriend's name is charlie bc i don't know if the fandom named him, lots and lots of death mention, the first part is basically just a look into charlie's life, there's one or two mentions of the ship exploding but it doesn't go into detail, y'all please tell me if anything is inaccurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-11 01:37:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17437430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_wind_gets_so_sad/pseuds/blue_wind_gets_so_sad
Summary: Jimmy Campbell was early to band practice. It wasn’t a big deal. He was just already in town and figured he’d go ahead and see if anyone had beaten him there. It turns out that he was the one who beat everyone else there. He glanced around, then rested his instrument cases up against the wall and took a seat at the piano. He didn’t need to think of what to play. He already knew.





	1. Night Skies

             Jimmy Campbell was early to band practice. It wasn’t a big deal. He was just already in town and figured he’d go ahead and see if anyone had beaten him there. It turns out that he was the one who beat everyone else there. He glanced around, then rested his instrument cases up against the wall and took a seat at the piano. He didn’t need to think of what to play. He already knew. As his fingers hit the keys and he sang the words that had stuck with him for years, Jimmy was reminded of the one who created the song in the first place. Charlie, his late boyfriend, was an outstanding writer. Songs, poetry, stories, whatever he could think of. If you gave him even the vaguest prompt, he could hand you back a novel in about a week. However, he wanted to study psychology. He enjoyed writing, but he never wanted to make a career out of it. When their ship exploded, all of his writings were lost. The physical copies, anyway. They’d never leave Jimmy’s mind.

 

_The time has come_

_I’m flying away_

_Mouth is numb_

_Heart don’t know what to say_

 

             He remembered when Charlie told him about the day he had to leave his family. They were both feeling homesick, not that Jimmy would admit it. He wasn’t ashamed of missing home, he just wasn’t one to share his feelings. He never was, but the war made it worse. Charlie, on the other hand, just had to be asked if he was okay and he would tell you his entire life story.

 

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night sky_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

 

             Charlie’s parents didn’t want him to leave. You’d think that all parents would be like that, but there were always exceptions. He always said that the way his mother leaned into his father and cried almost made him turn around and go back to the breakfast table. “But I couldn’t. I had a responsibility and I planned on fulfilling it. I still do.”

 

_Thank you for teaching me lessons_

_Thank you for listening to mine_

_Man, you know how to ride a bike now_

_Don’t be scared, you’ll be fine_

 

             He told Jimmy that it broke his heart to see his little sister running outside to see what was going on. Her parents were going to hold her back, but she stopped herself upon seeing her big brother Charlie ready to leave. They had all told her that he had to go away for a little while, but she had forgotten how soon it was going to be. He said that he noticed her glancing at her bicycle. After he left, the first letter he got from her said that she wanted to tell him that she learned how to ride her bike, but she was too upset to say it.

 

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

 

             Charlie said he walked forward exactly five steps. He kneeled down in front of her and rested his hand on her shoulder. Her bottom lip trembling made his own quiver and they crashed into a hug at the same time. He finally managed to gently pull her away and he stood back up. He started to walk away, but he felt her tiny hand tugging on the strap of his pack.

 

_Come_

_No, you can’t come with me_

 

             “Come!” His little sister croaked.

             “N-No, you can’t come with me.” He replied sadly, a small smile on his face that he hoped would reassure her.

 

_Stay_

_I wish I could_

_Goodbye_

_I know it’s hard to say_

 

             “Stay!” She cried.

             “I wish I could. But...I can’t. I know it’s hard to say ‘goodbye,’ but I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll blink and I’ll already be at the table pouring you some cereal.” He leaned down and softly poked her on the nose, but not even that seemed to cheer her up.

 

_Come_

_No, you can’t come with me_

 

             “Come!” She repeated, the tears flowing down her cheeks like rivers.

             “You can’t come with me. I’m sorry.” His throat felt like it was going to swallow itself.

 

_Stay_

_I wish I could_

_Goodbye_

_I know it’s hard to say_

_Ouch_

_I know it hurts to say_

_I’d-_

 

             “Stay!” She cried out once again.

             “I wish I could.” He whispered. “Goodbye.” When she didn’t respond, he spoke up again. “I...I know it’s hard to say ‘g-’ I know it hurts to- I’d-” He broke down. He didn’t want to, not in front of her, but he did. He couldn’t help it.

 

_I’d stay if I could_

_But the universe won’t let me_

_So please be good_

_And don’t you forget me_

 

             He kneeled down in front of her once more when he was able to speak.

             “I’d stay if I could. But...the universe won’t let me. Please, be good. Don’t forget me, kid.” He knew that it contradicted his lie about only being gone for a few days, but he needed her to hear it.

 

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

 

             “Look, I know I won’t actually be here, but I’ll always be with you. Forever. Don’t forget that. You know how we like to sit out on the lawn and look at the stars at night? Keep doing that, and think of me when you do. Not of this moment. Don’t think of ‘goodbyes.’ Think about how I’ll always be with you, no matter what.”

             This time, he didn’t wait for a response. He knew that if he did, he’d never allow himself to leave.

 

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever_

 

             He walked down the sidewalk away from his house. He could hear his little sister screaming for him, but he couldn’t bear to look back. Instead, as soon as he was out of sight, he started running. He started running and he didn’t stop until the last words he said to her were echoing in his head instead of her screaming. Once he was settled in the taxi he had managed to flag down, he pulled out his notebook and started to write down the words.

             He would sing the song to Jimmy quite often. It would be a lot softer, though. Less aggressive. It almost changed the meaning, like he knew something was going to happen to him and he wanted Jimmy to follow the same advice he gave his little sister. Like he wanted Jimmy to look at the stars and to think of him as being right beside him, even when he wasn’t.

 

             As Jimmy finished the final harmony and pressed down the final key, he was pulled out of his memories. He exhaled shakily and slouched, which wasn’t normal for him. When he looked up, he noticed a figure standing across from him at the other side of the piano. However, he couldn’t tell who it was. He didn’t know if his vision was blurred from the fact that his glasses had fallen off of his face at some point, the fact that he was crying oceans, or both. He quickly rubbed the tears away from his eyes and put his glasses back on with shaky hands. It almost immediately registered in his mind that the figure was Donny Novitski.


	2. I Know It Hurts to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy and Donny have a discussion.

             Donny wasn’t usually early to practice. He wasn’t usually late, either. He would typically either find himself going in right before everyone else or strolling in right after everyone else. Not on time, but not early or late. That day, however, Donny decided to be early. Extra early. He expected to be the only one there. He knew that Wayne would show up right on time, and by extension, so would Nick. Jimmy was usually right behind them, or at least a little ways behind them. Davy and Johnny were both very unpredictable. Johnny tried to write himself notes to remember, but sometimes he would forget that he wrote the notes. Davy was...well, Davy. Julia would sometimes come in with Donny or one of the other guys, but if she was by herself, she could often be as unpredictable as Davy and Johnny. She often found herself lost in her thoughts, which would cause her to lose track of time. They could be in the middle of practice and she could come sprinting in, panting.

             He wasn’t alone, however. Jimmy was already there. It wasn’t an issue, of course, but he was kind of surprised. Jimmy was playing the piano, not even looking at it or at sheet music. It was obvious he had this song memorized like one would memorize a typewriter keyboard. Donny almost opened his mouth to make a comment about how Jimmy had never mentioned being able to play the piano, but he stopped himself upon realizing that Jimmy hadn’t even noticed him in the room.

  


_The time has come_

_I’m flying away_

_Mouth is numb_

_Heart don’t know what to say_

  


             As Jimmy started to sing, Donny wondered whether he should leave or not. He had never heard that song before, so he figured that it had some sort of personal value.

  


_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night sky_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

  


             Jimmy’s eyes were trained on one spot in the room, but Donny could tell that he wasn’t aware of his surroundings. Who knew where he was in his mind?

  


_Thank you for teaching me lessons_

_Thank you for listening to mine_

_Man, you know how to ride a bike now_

_Don’t be scared, you’ll be fine_

 

             The way Jimmy’s voice cracked on the word “bike” made Donny frown. He walked forward and leaned against the other side of the piano.

 

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

  


             Jimmy started to raise his voice as he sang and it was clear it was becoming increasingly difficult to force his words past the knot in his throat. He still hadn’t noticed Donny, although the man was right in front of him.

  


_Come_

_No, you can’t come with me_

  


             Donny was startled when Jimmy suddenly began to sing louder. He didn’t know if Jimmy realized or not, but tears had finally started to pour out of his eyes.

  


_Stay_

_I wish I could_

_Goodbye_

_I know it’s hard to say_

_Come_

_No, you can’t come with me_

_Stay_

_I wish I could_

_Goodbye_

_I know it’s hard to say_

_Ouch_

_I know it hurts to say_

_I’d-_

  


             Donny jolted when Jimmy yelled “ouch” and his glasses fell off into his lap. He almost thought he had actually hurt himself somehow until he kept singing. Jimmy stopped for a few moments to compose himself, then continued.

  


_I’d stay if I could_

_But the universe won’t let me_

_So please be good_

_And don’t you forget me_

  


             The pieces slightly started to come together. Donny didn’t understand the _full_ meaning, but he could easily connect the lyrics to someone leaving. A parent leaving a child. A child leaving home. A boy leaving his girl. A girl leaving her boy. Or...a boy leaving his boy. The thought crossed Donny’s mind and he wondered if the song was about Jimmy’s “someone” he had told him about. The idea was sweet, but some of it didn’t make sense to him.

  


_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever_

_And although I’ll be out of sight, dear_

_Know I’ll be right here_

_Right here forever, ever, ever, ever_

_And when you look to the night skies_

_Don’t think of goodbyes_

_Think how I’m right here, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever_

  


             Jimmy started to cry again. No, not cry. Sob. He could barely get through the words and the ending harmonies sounded like whimpers. Donny had never seen him like that, not even after the competition. He was pretty sure none of them had ever seen him like that. If Donny was surprised by that, he was shell-shocked when Jimmy snapped out of it and slumped his shoulders. Jimmy was almost always standing and sitting up straight. Donny didn’t know if he just preferred proper posture or if it was an after effect of the war. After a few seconds, the two of them locked eyes. Jimmy squinted, then rubbed at his eyes and fumbled for his glasses. Once he had them on, he blinked a few times and Donny could see the recognition in his slightly widened eyes.

             “D-Donny.” He cleared his throat. “Donny.”

             “Hey, Jimmy. Didn’t know you could play.”

             “So, you heard that. Ah, it’s nowhere near your ability. Just a...hobby, I guess.” Jimmy shrugged.

             “How many instruments can you play?” Donny narrowed his eyes.

             “...Saxophone. Clarinet. Piano. Ocarina. Bass. Don’t tell Davy. And I want to learn guitar. Yeah, I think that’s it. Five at the moment.”

             “Jeez. Hold on. Go back. What the _hell_ is an-”

             “Ocarina? Figured you’d ask that. It’s strange. It’s a sort of ancient flute and it’s also called a ‘sweet potato.’ Hardly anyone knows what they are and it’s saddening because they’re nice little instruments, and they’re very easy to learn, depending on the person.”

             “...Huh.” Donny nodded, then looked away. “If you can play piano, why do you need a pianist for your shows?”

             “Well, I can’t play the saxophone with my toes, can I?”

             “Can you?”

             Donny looked over at him with a smile and they both laughed.

             “You’re here early,” Jimmy commented. He stood up and walked over to the other side of the piano, then stood beside Donny.

             “Could say the same thing about you.”

             “Yeah, I didn’t expect anyone else to be here. Sorry about...that.” He gestured toward the piano.

             “It’s alright, Jim. Do you...want to talk about it?”

             “Not particularly. Although...I probably should.”

             “Hey, not if you don’t want to.”

             “ _He’d_ want me to. He was always trying to get me to open up more. He said that it was unhealthy for a person to hold in their emotions. Sometimes I believe he was right, but...I mean, I always believe he was right, but I only sometimes follow his advice. If you bottle up your emotions, an outburst is inevitable. A cup can only hold so much liquid before it overflows.”

             “You...have a fair point. Is ‘he’ your...de- _late_ boyfriend?”

             “Yes.”

             “What was his name?”

             “Charles Douglas. Charlie.” A small smile appeared on Jimmy’s face, but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

             “The song...is it about him?”

             “Kind of. He...” Jimmy paused as if trying to decide whether to tell him or not, then continued, “wrote it about leaving his family...to serve. But when he would sing it to me, it was different. He told me what each line, each word meant, but it was so different. It almost felt like he knew...that something was going to happen to him, you know? I heard that song every night and day we were together in private. I didn’t mind, of course. It was... _is_ a beautiful song and it was him. Looking back, I feel like he did it because he wasn’t sure when it would be that he wouldn’t be able to sing it to me anymore.”

             “Makes sense as to why you know it so well that you don’t have to watch the keys.”

             Jimmy’s eyes traveled down, then went back up. “Yeah.” He didn’t allow himself to tell Donny that he had everything written by Charlie seared into his mind after the- He shook himself off. _Don’t think about it. You’ll get sucked in again._

             “It’s a beautiful song.” Donny complimented, not noticing the behavior.

             “It is.” Jimmy agreed.

             They remained in silence until Donny questioned, “Do any of the others know about...you?”

             “Davy knows. I didn’t really tell him. He figured it out and I confirmed it. Other than him and you, it’s just speculation. Davy and I both have the strongest feeling Julia knows, but she hasn’t said anything to me about it yet.”

             Donny suddenly froze. “Uhhhhhh...”

             “...What?”

             “ _Uhhhhhhh..._ ” Donny’s pitch rose.

             “ _What?_ ”

             “ _Look_. I swear on my life I didn’t tell her, but she knows.”

             “Well, as long as she doesn’t tell anyone, which I wouldn’t expect her to, then it’s fine. Do you...think it’s obvious?”

             “All I’m going to say is that I totally notice you practically fucking Johnny with your eyes. Eye-fucking, if you will.” Donny’s eyes lit up as if he thought of the greatest idea ever.

             Jimmy rolled his eyes in response.

             “If you don’t mind me asking, what is it like having a late partner and being attracted to someone else?” Donny asked.

             “It’s...hard. I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying him, but I know that he would want me to be happy no matter what. I can’t move on, but I can move forward. ‘Love Will Come and Find Me Again.’”

 

 

             That night after practice, Jimmy walked home as usual. This time, though, it was different. He stopped beside an empty lot and looked up at the night sky. Anytime he thought about Charlie, it was about his death. It was about what life might have been like had he still been alive. As he stared into the glowing sky, however, he could _almost_ feel Charlie’s presence beside him. He could _almost_ hear him sing to him. He began to hum along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just a note: The part where Jimmy mentions Davy knowing about him being gay is a reference to my first Bandstand fic! It's called Petrichor! It's on my profile! Shameless self-promo!


End file.
